The Schoolgirl goes to the Office

Life at work is tough. And it gets tougher over the years.

I have another perspective about it though. This one lifts up the weight and makes the day bearable. Pleasurable even on some special days. I don’t go to work. I go to school.

• My school year begins every 1st working day of January.  I buy myself a new set of school supplies. I have my special pens, post-its, memo pads and big, pretty, nice print notebooks. I have a notebook for every subject - meetings, to do list and BOD meetings. I also prepare new set of shoes and bag. The scent of new stuffs stirs an excitement like it always did with my pencils and crayons back then. And then I am eager to go back to school again.
• In my school I have different subjects - Operations, Finance, Engineering, Network, Logistics, Sales, Management, Information Technology, and of course the all-time favorite of many, Recess. In each subject, I have my Professor. All are equally brilliant and each with unique qualities.
• In a day, I go to different class in different time. Some days, the Professor is out of town. Some days, the discussions are so interesting they get to extend the time. At times, I'd also have to skip lunch so ill be on time for the next class.
• I also have different sorts of classmates I go to school with. One class we are many, in some we are just few. Some I get along with very well, a few others I wish I won't see the next semester.
• Assignments, projects and papers. I am not spared from them just yet. And the deadlines, too. Very demanding and stressful.
• To hone the individuals holistic  well-being, the school's admin allow us to participate in several extra curricular activities - where we can have fellowship, games, sing and dance. We have our regular trick or treat for the kids, summer outing and parties. In each activity volunteers are tapped to organize, head the committees, plan for the games, host the event and all other significant roles.
• And finally, the make or break moments. Quizzes and Finals. I am subject to a lot of quizzes, mostly oral exams. On the spot. The Professor can just throw questions at you without you and you can't be unprepared by not knowing. And the Finals come in the form of annual evaluation. The over-all rating determines whether I pass or fail, retake or move to the next level.

Like any other regular student, I spend time to study my notes and review the past days' lessons. I carefully note what my Teacher said and what lessons were taught in the Subjects. The funny thing about it, the more I review, the more I see that there is not much difference really in what I learn inside the classroom, in the office and in my personal life. Well, that should not surprise me. After all I am really just a student in a greater classroom called the Universe.

My sister's keeper

If there's anyone who would give her life for my sister in a heartbeat, that would be my Mamang. I believe she would do the same to any of us her three children. Growing up, my mother would always tell me "Ang imong manghud...". By that she would mean, "watch over your little sister". She would tell me that every time she sends us off to school, whenever she would leave us home alone while she'll be out for errands. The same thing she told me when she was rushed to the hospital to deliver our youngest. I was 14 when the 3rd addition to the family came. That night, I knew behind her words was the fear that she may never come back again. And she wanted to make sure that my little sister will be taken cared of.  Just in case.

I can never recall any childhood memory without my sister being in the picture. She is 4 years my junior but practically we grew up like twins, sharing almost everything. Our looks (from Papang) , our clothes (Mamang would sew us clothes of different style but from the same cloth)  and even our room (yes, up to this day). We fight a lot, too. In all our brawls, she was always the winner and I was the whiner. She's strong and determined. What she sets out to accomplish, she achieves. May it be a cellphone unit or making it through College. She studies diligently and works hard without spilling too much. She is thrifty and prudent, never throwing away what she feels can be saved for future use. she is silent but she can be tough. No one can bully their way into her guts. I often wonder that between the two of us, perhaps she's really the older sister who was born just a few years later.

We grew up as sisters but not really as best friends. I don’t really know why. Perhaps there was too much fighting going on while we were younger, or maybe because I left her too early when I had my own set of friends starting off in High School. Whichever, by the time I realized I wanted her to be my friend, we were already claiming to be adults dealing with our own individual worlds. It was already hard to get through. The only thing that keeps us together is the family. Whatever fight we were in the middle of dissolves the moment we share any family occasion. We were always there for each other. May it be a birthday celebration, Christmas day or our brother's graduation. The link continues to strengthen as we share more family decisions together. We step beyond being sisters into being partners. In all decision process the family has to undertake, we both slowly take the front seats as we together lead the family now that the folks are getting older. The move to our new home, the care of Mamang when she had her stroke and all other things. In all these, I can never recall a moment not having my sister around to discuss things over with and finalize a decision.

Up to this day, I still do not know about her first crush, nor her first love and neither about the desires of her heart. We do not fight anymore. Unlike little kids who fight and make up, we settle into silence and space whenever an issue comes up. Still,  nothing that a simple family get together can patch up. In my heart I still long for her friendship. And I believe we are, of different sort, beyond the giggles and those stuffs. On New Year's evening mass, I came with my sister giving thanks for a wonderful year. In the middle of the mass, while the priest was preparing the table for the Eucharist, my heart was moved and brought back to memories of the past. Long ago, when we were little girls about the age of 8 and 4, left at home while Mamang was away, the lights suddenly went off and 2 girls were scared amidst total darkness. My sister clung unto me and I was trembling with fear. My mother's words rang out "Ang imong manghud…". Even as a very young girl, I just knew, I had to muster all the courage I could to find our way through the dark and get some light. Because, then and now, I know and I want to be my sister's keeper.

Scrub Off

I can't get enough of the holidays. I was set to go back to work today but I kept that nagging thought locked up once more and rolled up my sleeves for one task I've been itching to do. Scrub the bathroom walls.

I am not your regular neat and tidy housemate. Rarely I take hold of the broom to sweep nor dust off the furniture. But something always moves me in a magical way every time it's a holiday. By holidays, I practically refer only to two occasions. My birthday on November 1st and the long Christmas holidays in December. Perhaps it's that feeling of new beginnings that works in me. I always want to start over clean.

This will not be a blog about how to clean and scrub the bathroom floors. I'll leave that up to the experts :)

I just wanna share one victory I had today. The kind that brings forth a liberating sense. Scrubbing off the deep-seated dirt taught me a lot. Mostly, reminded me of what I already know yet often neglect. The simple truths.

• Dirt gradually accumulate over time. To the human eyes, they are not noticeable until one day when you have the time to mull over and notice them screaming like monsters ready to jump at you.
• Scums are bred in moist. Bathrooms are supposedly left to dry after use.
• Daily cleaning needs 5 minutes. General cleaning requires 2 hours. And a bit of sore on the shoulders.

I am so blessed I have a regular neat and tidy Guy who takes the time every day to wash me clean and dry me free from scums. Even if He does it everyday, He must still be sore from deep-seated dirt that clings on to me. But in each sore, He wipes off the sweat from His face and gives me a smile.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10 

It's a New Year

It’s time for some New Year’s resolutions. 

Well, I don’t have one. I only have a few confessions. 1. I’ve quit my job. 2. I got my own place. 3. I’m leaving and I don’t know exactly where. I just know I’m leavin’ town and I’m throwing away my to-do list.

Just kidding. Happy New Year’s Day everyone!

For the year ahead I only have one wish though. Freedom.

Not the kind I secretly longed for a long time. Not detachment from responsibilities and roles. Not the random spontaneous kind that boils up an explosive rush within. I must admit, there are days (and more still of those days), I wish I have a magical remote control over everything – to press on the mute button to all the unsynchronized voices I hear, to switch off channels when my present load becomes unbearable, to turn off and get a break. But life, for me and for everyone else, does not operate that way. Thank God and His infinite wisdom. My life is not one giant box filled with unwanted stuffs while I get tangled down at the bottom unable to climb my way up for escape. Instead, I know and I constantly remind myself, that mine (like everyone else’s) is a gift. Only, to fully appreciate and use that gift is to first unlock it with a key called Freedom.

Yes. The one that allows me to choose. Life or Death. Joy or Sorrow. Gratitude or Loss. The one that my Friend spared His life for just so I may have life in its fullness. Enough of too much thinking. Enough of too much empty words. Enough of what I know. I just want it. I need it. Not something outside of me but something that integrates in my whole being. Inseparable. Something that I cannot live without. 

“As for you my friends, you were called to be free. But do not let this freedom become an excuse for letting your physical desires control you. Instead, let love make you serve one another.” (Galatians 5: 13)